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P90X Day 9-12

I know know I can do this.  I know that I can go 90 days.  I know that this will make an awesome difference.  I am starting to see a difference and I did not think that was remotely possible after 12 days.  It feels like I am finally winning the battle against my stress weight.  I know what I look like does not fully reflect my health.  As the holidays approached last fall my stress level went through the roof and my body responded.  It responded with that age old response of storing extra fat for the upcoming tough times.

For my stress I am making progress there as well.  The buyers for my home did their home inspections today.  My fingers are crossed that they did not find anything major to stop the imminent signing. I have also knocked out a couple more major bills that my ex left me with and that brings me to April where I will have a financial break, at least for a week or so.  That means that I can finally pay my lawyer to go after my ex within the legal system. I still don’t understand how he lives with himself, but that is a topic for another day.  Today my stress is slowing going down. Today is about me and my health.

I worked hard this week and my favorite workout is tomorrow, Kempo, it is almost like it is my reward for this week.  I am really looking forward to it.

At the same time I wonder if I worked as hard as I could have.  I am sore, but not near as sore as I was during/after my first week.  I added in my recovery drink after my workouts.  Seriously? Does it make such a big difference? I am suspicious that it does 😉  I will just take Tony’s advice: Do your best and forget the rest.  I will just keep brining myself back and pushing play into my next workout.





What a strange experience – Renting an apartment

I rented an apartment today.  I have not done that since 1993 or so.  I have been a happy home owner for the last 14 1/2 years and I am essentially starting over on the home front.

I am downsizing from the 3500 square foot home that my ex insisted on having and moving into an apartment with about 700 square feet.  I do believe that my new apartment would fit inside of the garage of the house I am leaving.  It is probably still more room than I really need but I have found that it is difficult to rent an apartment that is much smaller, at least here in Tampa.

I must admit though that I am really quite happy at the idea of calling the rental office when something is broken.  I dont have to fix it myself.  When I did my ‘final walkthrough’ of the apartment today before taking possession of it I discovered that the screens on the windows had little holes in them.  My first thought was that they are not too difficult to replace, and the steps necessary, then I realized…. I don’t have to fix them, they get to fix them.  What a nice change from being responsible for fixing everything.  It is also the first time in almost 15 years that I don’t have to worry about mowing the yard.  I don’t have to worry about taking care of the pool.  I don’t have to worry about the washing machine breaking.

I have so much stress in my life anyways.  It is going to be nice to take a break from worrying about fixing everything around the house.  Perhaps the next man in my life will have some home repair skills of his own.  I have not had any luck with that in the past and as a result I am Ms. Fixit. I have done everything from hanging drywall to replacing the garbage disposal or toilet.  There is a satisfaction in doing your own work and doing it well, but for not I am quite sastisfied in knowing I CAN do it myself.

Perhaps the one thing I will do this weekend is replace the lock with a much better quality.  Teaching security leaves me a bit paranoid.  Knowing it is fairly easy to pick a lock is one thing, but it is so unbelievably easy to bump a lock and even easier to purchase the tools needed to do that leaves me wanting a high end, bump resistant, lock from Schlage or Medeco.

Be Safe

Men… I wonder…

I am now 40 years old.  I have been married twice, and twice I have had the man who said that they loved me take so much from me.  I have lost so much in this last divorce.  I have almost nothing left, but what I do have is my health and my ability to work.  I have lost my retirement funds, I have lost my savings, I have lost almost all of my possessions, and yet still I have a pile of bills that are sky high.

I find it hard to explain how a man can walk away from the woman whom he has declared his love.  Yet that is what my husband did.  He left like a thief in the night taking everything I knew with him.  He left me with all of the bills and has yet to give me a dime to help cover them.

I have done so much in my lifetime.  So many wonderful accomplishments and yet I sit here in my very empty home wondering what day it will be that the bank or the courts will throw me out.  I have worked in a fish market, I have catered Cajun and Creole, I have taught networking and security around the world, I have ridden my bicycle from Fairbanks to Anchorage and from Minneapolis to Chicago, and yet I have no idea where I will be even next week.

I have come to the conclusion that marriage is an outdated custom that does not serve women in todays society, with few exceptions.  I will never marry again although that does not mean that I am not interested in a powerful life long commitment to a wonderful and loving partner.  Yet I have no idea where in the world I will find that man.  Is there someone out there for me?

I am strong willed, opinionated and almost never home.  Where do I find a man who can love me?  Over the last year I have found a wonderful man or two, but they are married.  Isn’t there some wonderful quote about all the good ones are taken….

Now What…

I received word from my realtor last week that it appears that the short sale on my house is going to go through.  Now what?  I am going to be homeless.  I have been working my way towards being homeless for some time now.  It sounds so bad in our culture to be ‘homeless’ but due to my lifes circumstances I have been working towards this by choice.  I have sold almost everything I can.  I have condensed my life to a 5×10 storage unit.  I am looking for a room with some friendly person/couple to stay in when I am not on travel (and I think I may have found that room).

But where will life take me next?